About him
Hi and thanks for stopping by.
I’ve always been quite alternative at heart, not into mainstream culture or material wealth. Happy with a simple, wholesome life, a few close friends, being active in nature. Prefer mending to sending to landfill.
I feed my curiosity by reading and listening to podcasts. TV less so now.
I enjoy work, the sense of usefulness, camaraderie, the brain workout. But I’ve recently felt it’s been missing something all this time.
I won’t stop working in my later years but I will do something more fulfilling. I like where I live but I like other places more. I expect to relocate within five years and find my new direction there.
I have been interested in mindfulness for some time and have an on-off practice of sitting meditation.
Part of my alternative leaning is likely down to my brain being somewhat alternative. I am not just “a little bit autistic” (there’s no such thing in fact), but actually 100% certified autistic since 2022.
Somehow this fact eluded me for 56 years. I’d been expending vast energy daily just to do a barely passable impression of a neurotypical man. I had no idea everybody’s lives weren’t like this.
How I’d not come to know this sooner was my own experience seemed unconnected with the common misconceptions of autistic people – being unempathetic or obsessed with dates.
The reality is I am a sensitive, compassionate, vulnerable human. Nowadays I also know the exact nature of my trauma, fears and triggers (full list available on request) and how to be kinder to myself in managing them. This may mean that although my dreams and hopes are probably similar to anyone's, my capabilities to follow through on them aren't always matched in reality. I am learning to be content within my narrower horizons.
A few facts to conclude
- 2 ex-wives, 1 daughter, 1 small dog
- Honest, loyal, practical
- Mostly veggie, on a long break from alcohol, non-smoker
- Runner, cyclist, hiker, camper
- Night out: Arthouse film, Stewart Lee gig
- DIY, crosswords, shed stuff, homegrown veg
About his ideal match
Let’s assume all the obvious stuff like connection, broadly shared values and the ability to laugh together…
On top of that there are some specific things I would hope to find in a partner.
Someone who was lucky enough to have had a sufficiently nurturing and secure upbringing to leave them a grounded, well-balanced, thriving and resilient adult. Ha.
Or (more likely), someone more like me who has instead had to “do the work” to really understand what makes them tick, and fail to tick. And who knows how to self-manage when triggered.
Someone who is emotionally open, independent-minded, free-thinking, curious, non-judgemental and compassionate.
Someone who is comfortable in quiet spaces, who values peacefulness and calm.
Someone who cares for themselves, about others and about important issues.
Someone who understands the appeal of an out of season hiking trip, sleeping and living close to nature, walking until you ache, enjoying the weather, however it is.
I’m most attracted to women who are happy and confident in their own natural appearance and who have their own individual, possibly eclectic, sense of dress.
